Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He's on the porch naked. Help.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
