wrigley field is MILF paradise
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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