So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i am craving dick and cupcakes
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
