so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
