walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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