I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
