I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
nutella sex= disaster
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
