I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
