I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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