he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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