How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
