coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
