and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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