All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
