I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize