If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's shark week go big or go home
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
