I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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