I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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