Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
