Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
