Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
