also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
