I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
