Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
