We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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