You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize