yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Randomize
