we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
