i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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