I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
