my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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