Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
