Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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