Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
