Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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