I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
