Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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