Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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