You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
