Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
