How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
