this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
