i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
