Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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