My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize