Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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