my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize