sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
