Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
