marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
