Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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