i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
