So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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