Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
