She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
