Ambien. No doubt about it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
