So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
