ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
