I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
