I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
