She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
