i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
