So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
