I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
