the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The cops high fived after they tackled you
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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