chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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