I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
