well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You dont lie about slip and slides
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
