Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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